Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
