We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
