I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
