Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
