You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
