Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
