About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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