At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Farmville is her only friend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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