I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
