I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
