This is not my ceiling
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
