Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
