oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
