it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
