i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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