just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
