I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
