At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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