Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
