Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
