I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
