I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
