Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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