no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We're facebook friends in real life
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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