Just fell off a train. Bad.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
