Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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