I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize