What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
