i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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