I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
