I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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