laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
