it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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