Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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