im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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