Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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