Apparently you make a good broom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
