She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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