He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
