And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
