i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
