I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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