i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
