My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
