seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
