Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
