Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
