You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
