Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
