Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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