so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
